I’m writing this to you ahead of Thursday, when you’ll receive your GCSE results. I know you’re feeling anxious about this but I wanted to share a few words of reassurance with you because I know those feelings of uncertainty and worry very well. But now I’m a “proper grown up” I have some experience of life to share with you; things I’ve learnt about failure and disappointment, and how to cope with things when life feels very out of control.
The first thing I want you to remember is that you have been
living through an extraordinary time recently – nothing could have prepared you
to cope with a global pandemic. I’m proud that you’ve managed to live through
the uncertainty, fear and boredom of many long months spent at home, dislocated
from your normal routines and friends, and the everyday things that you enjoy.
It’s very hard for a teenager to see their horizons shrink so suddenly,
especially in a year that was meant to be filled with memory-making and
milestones.
I know you’ve missed out on some special experiences and
this makes me sad but I want you to know that so many other wonderful moments
await you in the coming years – there will be time to make up for those lost
opportunities. I’m proud that you’ve managed to, if not always smile through
the experience, accept it and make the best of a difficult situation.
Secondly, be proud of the fact that you were making such
great progress in your exam preparation – all your teachers had great
expectations for you fulfilling your potential and I really think you would
have shone in the exams. As one wrote to me: “It was
such a pleasure teaching your son and seeing him grow more confident each week. He
is such a brilliant young man and he has an incredibly bright future ahead.”
Now, a few words about exams, assessments and tests. It’s
important to remember that exams don’t tell the full story of what makes you
you, or what makes you special and unique. They are – like many things in life
(driving tests, job interviews, for example) - a ‘necessary evil’ but they do
teach us some important things; they help you learn how to manage your time,
give something your full concentration and be resilient even when you feel
utterly terrified by the prospect of sitting in an exam room.
But they can’t measure everything about a person – they’re
really only an ‘indicator’ of your abilities and so I want to make sure you
know that you are so much more than the grades written on the letter you’ll
receive on Thursday. Exams can’t measure where your imagination goes to when
you’re drawing something amazing on Sketch Up, or how your brain pulses with ideas and enjoyment when
you’re DJing or making a new music track. They don’t test the emotional
intelligence that you have by the bucket-load (and there are plenty of hugely
successful people out there who don’t have an ounce of your empathy, kindness
and deep engagement with the world around you) Exams are just part of the
puzzle that makes up the journey through life, and there will be many more
tests you’ll encounter on that journey.
So, here’s the important bit: exams are just one of the many tests that make up a life, and we can’t pass them all. There will be many times in life you’ll feel disappointed or experience feelings of failure. Even the most “successful” people have encountered many failures along the way; learning to accept failure is essential in accepting the reality of life, which is full of joys but sometimes disappointments.
All we can strive for is giving things
our best shot and accepting that sometimes the outcomes might, at first, not be
what we want. But I’ve learned that life has an interesting way of reframing
what we think of as failures (not getting the grade we expected in an exam, or
not getting a job) to actually be of benefit to us in the long run…it can just
sometimes take a bit of time for us to see that benefit.
Ahead of Thursday, please remember that 2020 has been an
unprecedented year and there’s every chance you won’t have been assessed as
fairly as you could have been. This is not a reflection on you and your
abilities – we all know you’re a bright, interested, thoughtful and hardworking
young man. And going forward, as you embark on the next stage of life, remember
that all we ever want is for you to try your best; don’t let fear of failure
hold you back or think “I can’t”; instead, how about thinking “I can try”…
I found a letter written by a writer to his son as he was
about to leave for university – I think this excerpt is great advice that will
serve you well in life, and encapsulates my hopes for you as you sit on the
cusp of adulthood:
“If you can’t win the scholarship, fight it out to the end of
the examination.
If you can’t win your race, at least finish—somewhere.
If your boat can’t win, at least keep pulling on your oar, even
if your eye glazes and the taste of blood comes into your throat with every
heave.
If you cannot make your five yards in football, keep bucking the
line—never let up—if you can’t see, or hear, keep plugging ahead! Never quit!
If you forget all else I have said, remember these two words, through all your
life, and come success or failure, I shall proudly think of you as my own dear
son.”
Lots of love now and forever,
Mum
